Honoring Without Obeying

Honoring Without Obeying

Opening Scriptures

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, even their own life, such a person cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” Matthew 10:34

The Misunderstood Words: “Hate” and “Sword”

We begin with unsettling language: hate and sword. These words jar the ears, especially when spoken by Jesus.

But in the Semitic context, “hate” does not mean emotional hostility. It means to prefer less, to place something in second position. Jesus is not calling us to despise our families but to reorder our loyalties. Even the most sacred human bonds must yield to the call of God.

“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10:37

And the “sword”? It is not a weapon of violence, but a symbol of division. The message of Christ disrupts. It forces a choice, between the old patterns of this world and the radical call of the Kingdom. And often, that choice divides families, friends, and even our own inner selves.

Autonomy in Christ

We are not born to be mere extensions of another person’s expectations, even those of loving parents. We are born to live and grow in God’s purpose.

The commandment to honor your father and mother (Exodus 20:12) is not the same as always obeying them. To honor is to show respect, to recognize their role. But when their voice contradicts God's call in your heart, you must choose:

“We must obey God rather than human beings.” Acts 5:29

Respect is not blind obedience. Obedience that betrays your spirit is not holy, it is bondage.

The Sword That Divides: When Obedience Becomes Idolatry

Family expectations are powerful. Many households pass down control, trauma, unspoken wounds, or unexamined expectations like heirlooms. But Jesus calls us to break cycles, not in rebellion, but in truthful love.

“A person's enemies will be the members of his own household.” Matthew 10:36

This isn’t a prophecy of hatred, but a recognition of reality. When truth emerges, it disrupts. And sometimes, loving Christ means disappointing those who raised us.

Let’s be clear:

• You don’t have to go to college just because your parents demand it.

• You don’t have to marry, have children, follow their religion, or fulfill their plans for your life.

• You were not created to fulfill another person’s dream.

“Each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” Romans 14:12

That’s not rebellion, that’s accountable faithfulness.

Freedom and Responsibility

Honoring without obeying means:

• Listening with grace but not surrendering your calling.

• Loving without losing yourself.

• Respecting without submitting to dysfunction.

This is the Jesus way, not of blame or bitterness, but of bold love, personal truth, and spiritual freedom.

Closing Exhortation

Honor your parents. But do not worship them.
Understand their wounds. But do not carry them.
Live your truth. But do not wield it as a weapon.
Walk in freedom. Not fear.

Not with blame on your lips, but with courage in your heart. We are each accountable for our own thoughts, emotions, and actions. We are not perfect, but we seek with sincerity.

And as Jesus promised, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32